hankyoreh

Anne Eyre speaks at an international forum on bolstering assistance to and rights for victims of disasters held in Korea in 2019. (courtesy of the 4.16 Foundation)

“Please know that there are people like me around the world thinking of you and with you now in your time of deep sorrow and during the first anniversary.”

On Sunday, Anne Eyre, 59, who works with Disaster Action, a UK-based organization by and for those who have survived or were left bereaved by disaster, wrote the above in a letter to the survivors and bereaved family members of last year’s deadly crowd crush in Itaewon, as well as the Korean public.

Eyre is a survivor of the Hillsborough disaster, a crowd crush that killed 97 and left 760 injured at Hillsborough Stadium in Sheffield, England, in April 1989. After making it out of the disaster alive, Eyre went on to earn her doctorate in sociology and become an expert on disaster management.

“Received and perceived social support, including the belief by those affected that they are cared for by others and that help is available if needed, makes a significant difference to levels of psychological wellbeing after disaster,” Eyre wrote in her letter, while suggesting that those affected “focus on the basics,” especially at times like the anniversary.

The Hankyoreh received Eyre’s letter on the one-year anniversary of the Itaewon disaster via the 4.16 Foundation dedicated to the Sewol ferry disaster that took place on April 16, 2014. Along with her letter expressing condolences and solidarity with all those who were hurt by the terrible events in Itaewon last year, Eyre passed along recommendations for managing psychological trauma.

Eyre said that she saw the shock she felt 34 years ago and misguided response measures from the government repeated in Itaewon.

“When I saw the early reports and emerging statistics from your disaster start to go up and up over the first few hours and days it took me straight back to Hillsborough,” she wrote. “Reading the events and reactions from Itaewon last year has many chilling similarities to the Hillsborough disaster — a build-up of very many people in a confined area (so very many young people) and a failure in crowd management, leading to a large loss of life and injury — physical and emotional.”

Of the Hillsborough disaster, much like Itaewon, she wrote, “We were not responsible and yet the authorities and people who had not even been there were starting to blame us, create negative stories about us and shift responsibility for the disaster onto us.”

Eyre touched on the sense of guilt that is often felt by survivors of disasters as well.

“When you have been surrounded by so many unrepeatable scenes of distress; when horror has unfolded all around, in front of and behind you; when the difference between living and dying was and is so random; when you feel like you should have been able to save others when you couldn’t even move, or were only just able to save yourself…. No wonder you feel guilty and you can’t stop thinking about it,” she wrote. “If this is you, please know that although this feels so overwhelmingly painful, it is normal, and that these reactions and feelings usually diminish over time. And it wasn’t your fault. Not being in control of what was happening wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t then and it isn’t now.”

Going on, the sociologist said that rather than avoiding these types of thoughts and feelings, talking about them was beneficial to her process of healing from the trauma.

“What helped me in the early days and weeks after Hillsborough, and often still does today, was talking about what really happened and how it made me feel. But only when it felt safe, was not forced and was with people I trusted not to judge, but just to listen,” she wrote. “I would say to other survivors, if [you] feel ready and want to talk about it, do, but if you don’t, that’s OK too.”

Finally, addressing those who were not personally affected or survivors of the fatal disaster, Eyre wrote, “Therapists have helped me (some more than others), but it was mostly peers who gave me permissions to be kind to myself over the longer term, to understand survivor guilt and harness the energy needed to establish the truth of our disaster and campaign for accountability.”

“Our collective energies as bereaved people and survivors from this and other disasters has also led to successful campaigns around corporate accountability, and now even a parliamentary bill (the Hillsborough Law) calling for a legal duty of candour, truth and accountability for all public servants in our country,” she wrote.

“I hope that in your case there will be time and opportunity for making sense and meaning from this tragedy. That can be the starting point for healing as well as formally marking and commemorating such tragic and extensive loss,” Eyre conveyed in her letter.

Along with her letter, Eyre passed along guidelines for managing trauma for the bereaved and survivors. We’re including them here.

So what helps?

Here are some tips and suggestions you can pick and choose from. And some personal recommendations from trauma specialists are included in the boxes below. You are the expert on yourself though; you will know what works best for you.

• Stay connected with supportive loved ones and give yourself time and TLC (“tender loving care”).

• Decide if you wish to participate in anniversary activities and rituals, whether public, shared ones or through your own private way of remembering and marking the anniversary. Many people find rituals and connecting with others helpful, but having choice and control over your engagement in these is important. Many people find the build-up to anniversaries to be an especially anxious time, but there can also be a sense of relief after the anniversary passes.

• Allow yourself to process the emotions and thoughts you’re holding. Journaling, talking it out, movement are all ways we can help our bodies digest the stress and avoid a build-up of emotion.

• Know that your personal thoughts and emotions are valid. Talking to those you trust and who “get it” (e.g., other survivors) can help; do know you are worth the support and understanding they offer you.

• Resist flooding yourself with images, news coverage and social media. Ask yourself if, on balance, it is more unhelpful than helpful to be on social media at the moment and consider taking timeout if so (remember, you can always return).

• Know it’s OK to feel angry, despite what people may try to say. If you feel incredibly grief-stricken, if you don’t feel well enough to go to work — these are valid feelings. You don’t always have to understand them in the moment. That’s how grief and trauma work

• Don’t think of anger and sadness as wholly negative things. Anger can help fuel the energy needed to stay resilient and focus on what needs to happen. But if you feel your anger is getting worse over time, or is unbearable, ask for help.

Why does all this matter?

1) Because you’re worth it. You didn’t ask for any of this and aren’t to blame for what happened at Itaewon or other collective tragedies (if you’re thinking otherwise we can talk about survivor guilt…).

2) Once you’ve processed your emotions it’s easier to join together with others and have the space to take action (including collective action towards establishing the truth and justice of Itaewon). But don’t do this at the expense of your precious self.

By Ko Byung-chan, staff reporter

Please direct questions or comments to [english@hani.co.kr]