hankyoreh

Kim Cho-rong, 33, stands in the alleyway in Seoul’s Itaewon on Oct. 17, where a year ago on Oct. 29, a crowd crush killed more than 150 people. (Kim Gyoung-ho/The Hankyoreh)

“I remember this street,” recounted 31-year-old Kim Cho-rong as she revisited the road in Itaewon where she narrowly escaped the crowd swallowing her during a night out with a friend almost a year ago on Oct. 29 last year.

She could remember everything like yesterday — what store she went to, what she saw, and where exactly she realized her feet were no longer touching the ground. She stared at the alley where the crowd crush happened without a word. Despite how agonizing it was, she had come back to the site of the accident. “I had to remember,” she said.

At 6 pm on Tuesday, Kim stood at the mouth of the World Food Street behind Hamilton Hotel in Itaewon, Seoul. On the day of the disaster, she made her way to this street from Noksapyeong Station, having fun seeing all the children in costume.

“This was somewhere everyone wanted to come at least once,” Kim said. The street behind Hamilton Hotel was famous as a spot to take photos. People dressed like their favorite characters such as Batman and Harry Potter flocked there to take pictures to celebrate Halloween night. People who had just finished dinner also joined one after another to take in the masquerade.

The street was narrow, so much so that five to six adults couldn’t stand side by side without blocking the path. Kim pointed at all the alleys connecting to the street. That alley had a famous dumpling restaurant, and this other one had popular bars, she said.

“Some people came up to the street because there were simply too many people,” Kim explained.

On Oct. 17, Kim revisits the Itaewon street where she was caught in the crowd on Oct. 29, 2022. (Kim Gyoung-ho/The Hankyoreh)

She also pointed to another photo spot. That day, everywhere was packed, and you had to wait in long lines to get in anywhere.

“Because of the crowd, you couldn’t get indoors. So, I suggested going behind the hotel. We couldn’t go down into the alleys.”

Kim talked about her favorite place in the area and memorable costumes from that night before coming to a stop. “It began right here.” Swept by the crowd, she let go of her friend’s hand, and her body moved toward the alley where the crowd crush happened on its own. Her feet were in the air. She stood less than 20 meters from where the accident took place.

“All of a sudden, a tall man pushed me in the opposite direction, telling me to go back, that I shouldn’t go that way, as if he saw something.”

With no idea what was going on, Kim escaped the throng after much effort. She caught her breath by a nearby store until midnight came, and she learned that the unimaginable had happened.

On Tuesday, Kim stood on the spot where she got stuck in the crowd a year ago. She could see the alley where the tragedy happened with the simple turn of her head.

“I can’t believe I had no clue what was happening. There were so many people, all I could see was the shop signs hanging above. If I took one step closer… It’s scarier and more horrifying to think about in hindsight. It was all luck.” Kim grew silent for a moment.

Kim had promised to herself that she’d return to Itaewon and have a drink there. On Oct. 17, she had her first beer since the tragedy. (Kim Gyoung-ho/The Hankyoreh)

It had been six months since Kim last visited the area. Kim, who was diagnosed as being at high risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, revisited Itaewon after receiving the advice that mourning helps with recovery. She had come to Itaewon with friends in February for her birthday, and she had accompanied bereaved family members of victims of the crowd crush.

“I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been hard,” she said.

The last time she visited Itaewon was in April, around the time she stopped receiving treatment. After that, she couldn’t muster the courage to revisit the scene for quite some time.

Instead, she decided to write about the past year, during which she struggled to overcome the trauma and get therapy. A book of her collected writings, “Am I a Disaster Survivor?” has been published ahead of the one-year anniversary of the tragedy.

Kim asked that she be called a “person involved in a disaster,” not a survivor. “I would be a ‘survivor’ if I dived in knowing I would die and survived, but since I was involved in a disaster without intending to, I think that’s the more appropriate term.”

Kim wanted to see and remember everything properly, so she could overcome the guilty thought, “Why did I go there?” To her, Itaewon was a place of fun and endearment, where she spent every Halloween since 2016. One year, she dressed as a Kakao friend and in another, she wore a Pororo costume.

Immediately following the accident, Kim had to prevail over the perception that people shouldn’t have gone out to a crowded place. She wonders whether the presence of a microphone or a billboard that could have been used to alert people of the danger could have prevented the tragedy.

“The festivities didn’t have a host, so the government should have managed the crowd. A crowd crush is a ‘real disaster,’ after all. The government won’t admit that it fell short.” Kim’s voice rang clear, overlapping with the image of collapsed victims bleeding from their ears, eyes and noses — something Kim had seen herself.

During a public hearing in January that was part of a government investigation, Kim said, “I’ll be going to Itaewon this year as well. Because we must return to our everyday routine, and Itaewon and Halloween didn’t do anything wrong however hard I think.”

Now that the accident’s one-year anniversary is approaching, Kim isn’t so sure. Ever since that night, she has been apprehensive of the possibility of running up against unforeseen situations. She can’t predict whether Itaewon the weekend before Halloween would be crowded, or what the atmosphere would be like in the neighborhood.

But Kim kept her promise to herself to grab a beer in Itaewon. Having her first beer in Itaewon at a spot within visible distance from that alley where things went awry, she smiled faintly. “I want to say, ‘Don’t be self-conscious. Play more.’ You didn’t do anything wrong by going to Itaewon.”

By Kim Ga-yoon, staff reporter

Please direct questions or comments to [english@hani.co.kr]